Sage Dating Advice From Mom

My Mom offered me some sage dating advice many years ago that came into play last #ThirstyThursday. Here’s what happened.

Three Things

Growing up in Mountlake Terrace there wasn’t many offerings of entertainment that was legal. St Pius X Church hosted dances in the school’s gymnasium. You can imagine how excited I was when it was dance night. One night I gathered up the courage to cross hardwood basketball floor to ask a girl I had liked to slow dance with me. NOT only did she say no, she laughed with the words, “I don’t dance with ugly boys!”

I was crushed.

I summarily returned to my ‘side’ of the dance, and actually kept walking out to my black Huffy bicycle. I was so distraught I left the dance early. I pedaled home as tears streamed down my face. I had rejected by girls before, but not as harshly as this experience. I locked up my bike, and went inside. I saw Mom was feigning washing dishes with her back to me so that she can wait up for her son to return. I raced by her in the hopes she didn’t see me.

No mother is fooled by their children. Ever. Therefore my mother was not fooled either.

Inside my bedroom, I closed my door and sat on my bed. Moments later, I heard a light knocking at my door before my Mom entered. “What’s wrong, Caloy?” she asked.

I wipe away my remaining tears to answer. “Nothing, Mama. I hurt myself on my bike.”

She sighed as she sat down next to me. “I’ve seen you crash plenty of times without so much as a yelp. So why don’t you tell what really happened to cause those tears?”

I blurted out, “Mom, I asked a pretty girl to slow dance with me tonight. She laughed me off, and said she doesn’t dance with ugly boys.”

She pursed her lips together. “I see.” She put her arm around my shoulders, and quipped, “Well, I have some good news for you. Carina M Bayne doesn’t make ugly babies. So that little girl was wrong.” She faced me, “Son, you’re gonna grew up to be a handsome man. While you wait for that, I’ll share some secrets with you that’ll help you date girls whether you’re ugly or not.”

“Really?” I stammered.

“Yes, really,” she replied. “Three things.”

“Three things,” I repeated.

“Number one. Be courteous, be chivalrous to the ladies. Ladies will be disrespected their entire lifetime so if you can demonstrate your respect you’ll most likely earn theirs in return.”

I blubbered, “Ok, be a guy that open doors, remember to say please, thank you, and welcome.”

“Number two. Be funny, make her laugh. A lady will cry more in a lifetime than she’ll ever show you or tell you. If you can make her laugh, and smile to dry those tears, she’ll remember that.”

“Got it, be funny,” I state.

“Number three. Learn how to dance. The style doesn’t matter, just learn. If you can show you have that kind of confidence, and show that you can move like in public, then she can envision what you can do behind closed doors,” her words kinda drifted off in a dream state.

“Closed doors?” I ask. “What’s that?”

She quickly answers, “I’ll let your father explain that to you when you are much older.” Speaking of older … this particular point of advice was relevant to what happened last Thursday.

Let’s Dance!

Last Thursday night I was posted up, at The Amarillo Bar for Power Team Entertainment’s Country Dance Night, with my city-country attire of Justin boots, jeans, a Superman T-shirt and Aerosmith snapback hat.

Deana and I were discussing plans for Winthrop when a super cute redhead interrupted. She remarks, as she grabs my forearm, “You don’t have to dance anymore to impress me.”

“Excuse me?” I stammered.

With a half-drunk smile she compliments me, “Yes. You’re so f**king hot.”

Joyce from Alaska at the Amarillo Bar in Monroe, WA

Then she proceeds to dance and grind on me. Guess that last bit of Mom’s advice was working! I surveyed the situation to assess it. No wingman support, and two Den Mothers to contend with it.

Not dire, but the odds are stacked against me. After the song, she and I exchange introductions. She pulls me over to the table with her on-looking friends. I receive a very icy reception. I decided then and there this Joyce and Carlos hooking was happening tonight or any night of her short stay.

Needless to say, I bounced before this train wreck situation crashed into the station. That said, I did leave with a besmirched smile on my face. That Sage Advice From Mom was handy after all!

Remember: three things. #easyasONETWOTHREE

More from me later,

‘los