Recently, I’ve experienced a type of avoidance unlike any before. I was ghosted today. It wasn’t the first time, and I guarantee you it won’t be the last.
If you’re unfamiliar with the term and/or the experience, lemme tell ya.
Ghosting is a colloquial term used to describe the practice of ceasing all communication and contact with a partner, friend, or similar individual without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communicate made by said partner, friend, or individual.
Being Ghosted: Invisible Touch
So I braved a small portion of the online / app-based dating world through Facebook Dating (yes, it’s a really thing) I had matched with several women, reached out and no responses.
Save for one: CJRose
I didn’t think much of the ‘match’, when we mutually ‘like’ each other’s photos. I commented on the photo in the hopes of starting a conversation. After a day or two, she replied. Then … I do what I do best: start and continue conversation.
One particular night, while we were exchanging messages she straight up called. We had light-hearted conversation that was the usual interview-y, yet organic discovery of the basics.
By the end of the phone call, we agreed to meet face-to-face even during the global pandemic known as #COVID-19.
My Spidey-sense had me apprehensive from minute one. Now? NOW it’s in overdrive. It’s not as powerful, or omnipotent as women’s intuition but it’s the best I’ll ever have as a male.
Today was a craptastic day since I had zero sleep from the night before, and I swear the garbage pick up crew has a personal vendetta against my sleep. I didn’t wanna seem intrusive, so I waited until this afternoon to message CJRose.
Well, every rose has it’s thorn because the error message at the bottom: This person is no longer available on Messenger.
Tried to locate her Facebook profile page – also gone. Deleted. Disappeared like a ghost.
#ghosted again, I mentally groan.
Science states it’s costly to both parties. For me, not really. I’m a confident guy, and smart enough to know that avoidance behavior is a direct reflection of the person ghosting.
It tells me that they have no maturity, lack communication skills and mostly that they are cowardly. I don’t respect cowards whatsoever. Avoiding conflict will only serve to build more anxiety than ever before.
I’ve have had those hard conversations when I was the deliverer or more often than not … the recipient. I’ve been told during a break-up, “I don’t love you, I can’t fall in love with you, and I want a divorce”.
Brutal to hear, but at least she had the stones to say to me.
As I’ve said, I’ve also had to deliver the coup de grace, “I’m flattered that you like me but I can’t be honest and say the same”. Again, savage to the delicate egos of the world today, but words needed to be said to be clear on your intention.
I posted a social media meme: I’d rather be slapped with the truth, than kissed with a lie.
It’s still true for me today. What I don’t understand is why trouble yourself with establishing a profile, phishing for targets, only to give up at a moment’s notice. What’s up with that?
It’s an invisible touch to your psyche. “What’s wrong with me to literally be so repellent they bounce?”
Or more ego-shattering than ever: “Am I that horrible that I don’t get closure?”
I’ll move on with my happy-go-lucky self, but others reading this might not be so comfortable with that response. Being ghosted is not a punishment, it’s enlightenment.
Think of it like this, y’all: it truly IS them, and not you.