“There is no perfect life … but we fill it with perfect moments.” ~ plaque on Jen’s bookshelf

You know what’s funny? In all the conversations about our engagement—the congratulations, the “how’d you propose?” questions, the inevitable “so when’s the wedding?”—no one’s asked me the question I’ve been waiting to answer:

“Hey Los, when did you know that Jen was for you?”

Maybe it’s because we’re both in our late 40s. Maybe it’s because we’d both been through divorces and had quietly, privately given up on the whole love-and-relationship thing. Maybe people assume that at this age, you just know faster. Less time to waste. More clarity about what matters.

And sure, we moved quickly. A year of dating, much of it long-distance—me in Arizona, Jen in Washington State. Then I transferred jobs. Moved into her place. Six months later, I proposed. She said yes. Second marriage for both of us.

But here’s the thing: the proposal wasn’t the moment I knew.

There were moments before that— perfect moments that stacked up like evidence in a case I didn’t realize I was building. Moments when something shifted, when the idea of her not being in my life felt impossible.

This is about those moments.

Moment 1: The Deep Cut

As a Gen Xer, my love of music—and how I identify with it—started early. Back then, we’d combine our communal buying power to collect cassette tapes. Archaic, I know. But that’s how we consumed music from our favorite artists.

My best friend Chris had miraculously bought the newest Digital Underground cassette: Sex Packets. You know, the album with “The Humpty Dance.” It was our first year of high school, so we had time—all the time—to listen to this thing morning, noon, and night. We memorized every lyric to every song. The A-Side was the “Safe Side.” The B-Side was the Sex Side.

The ninth track—first track on the B-Side—was “Freaks of the Industry.” We loved it. So we played it on repeat. Ad nauseam.

Fast forward to present day. One of the first housekeeping items Jen and I addressed as a couple was announcing our love languages. Her answer came straight from the book—Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages.

Mine didn’t. Mine was the Sixth Love Language: Music & Song. The ultimate expression of self through song. It’s a conduit of emotions. And when you’re physically separated by distance, it’s enough to buoy the relationship.

We collaborated on a playlist on Spotify to remind each other.

Picture this: Six months into a new relationship, and we decide on a road trip adventure to the Grand Canyon via Williams, Arizona. Fun, right? Hot? Not so much on December 28, 2024. It was cold that morning.

We stopped at the Safeway in Williams. I was driving my 2014 Subaru Outback—affectionately named the Millennium Subaru—and rocking the tunes via my Spotify playlists.

As I was backing out of the parking space, the next song cued up. I knew it immediately from the intro bars. Freaks of the Industry. Ugh. Our relationship is too new for that.

Before I had the opportunity to skip the song, my girlfriend—my co-pilot, my nav-comm officer—Jen is rapping every lyric. Not like some casual fan who only knows the chorus. No, y’all.

Every. Word. Every. Lyric.

I smiled impishly. I thought, Alright, chica instantly passed the vibe check with knowing the lyrics to a deep cut rap song.

In Atomic Habits, James Clear writes about how your mind is always surveying the environment for pleasure—constantly scanning for what feels good, what feels right. I didn’t know it at the time, but that’s exactly what was happening.

Moment 2: The Sister Knows

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins explains that adult friendships carry a different weight. According to Robbins, the three pillars of adult friendship are Proximity, Timing, and Energy. These elements highlight why friendships often shift or dwindle as we grow older, suggesting that changes in our relationships stem more from logistical and circumstantial factors than from personal rejection.

Understanding this, and with my recent move to Arizona, I realized I needed to cultivate an environment where proximity, timing, and energy could all come together. I initiated Happy Hour—an online video call for anyone who wanted to join at a prearranged time.

To my surprise, Happy Hour turned out to be a hit! Soon after moving in with Jen, I was eager to introduce her to my friends back home. This gathering would be in-person rather than virtual. We chose McMenamins Anderson School in Bothell as our meeting spot. There, Charrina, known as “West Coast Playa” or WCP, along with my friends Chris Oxford, Eva Bates, Mark, Melanie Wallis, and of course, Jen, filled the table with laughter and conversation.

Outside this group, my other friends were buzzing with curiosity, whispering, “What does WCP think of Jen?” In the past, my sister had never connected well with any of my previous partners. While she wasn’t exactly gatekeeping, she had been fiercely protective of me following my divorce.

Once everyone was introduced and the first round of cold beers arrived, Ox turned his attention to WCP. “So Charrina,” he began, using her full name as if nicknames were foreign to him, “what do you think about Jen?”

At that moment, I felt an urge to kick him under the table since he sat directly across from me, with Jen right beside me. But before anyone could react, she beamed and exclaimed, “Oh Jen? I love her!”

Time seemed to freeze as we exchanged quick glances—Eva to me, me to Chris, Chris to Jen, Jen to Melanie, and back to WCP.

Inside, I was mentally shouting, “What just happened? Jen Approval was immediate!” The pint glass in my hand nearly slipped from my G.I. Joe Action Figure kungfu grip.

Ox wore a Cheshire grin, “Oh good!” I still wanted to kick him for asking such a bold question so early in my relationship with Jen. Thankfully, the answer was a resounding yes, but Jesus…

Moment 3: The Brunch Babes

Meeting Jen’s older brother and mother simultaneously was a whirlwind experience. If memory serves me correctly, it was just a day or two after I had met the Brunch Babes. Jen and I drove over to Mama Barb’s house in Shoreline. As she parked her car, she turned to me and asked, “You ready?” I smirked, “Always.”

After exchanging handshakes and introductions, we all pitched in to move items out of a pod sitting in her driveway. Honestly, the details of that task blurred together in my mind. What stood out was that neither Michael (her older brother) nor Barbara (her mom) gave off any gatekeeper vibes. I thought, “The Brunch Babes were the Final Boss(es) of Approval; did I nail it?” My question was soon answered…

“Hey, my Love,” Jen started. “Are you willing to meet up with me, The Brunch Babes?” I mused, “Yes, of course. This is the squad, no? Your girl squad to be exact.” “I have brunch with them from time to time, but they are current and previous co-workers. I gifted them microphones, as you suggested,” she advised. “Name the time and place, mi amor. I’m game.” I continued to think, This. THIS! This entire group of women are the gatekeepers for Principal Jen. You might be asking, “Microphones as a gift, Los?”

At this point, Jen, Audrey, Ron, and yours truly had binged all three seasons of the Apple TV sensation, Ted Lasso. I had mentioned my fondness for press conference scenes featuring the cast. The rapid-fire questions directed at Roy Kent, or Coach Lasso. And especially Ted Lasso in S1.E8 “The Diamond Dogs” always made me chuckle. Keeley Jones jumps into a spontaneous bit, raising her hand to be called on, “Keeley Jones, The Independent Woman. Can you repeat what you just said?” So I joked, “Each of the Brunch Babes should represent a fictional news outlet, magazine, or television show. For example, Melissa Ward could be for Women’s Entertainment (WE). How did you and Jen meet?”

All of us gathered up at the Cascadia Pizza Company in Bellevue, WA. I didn’t realize until later it was also a joint birthday celebration.

Before we exited Jen’s Forester, she asked, “How do you wanna sit? Next to me?”

I fired back, “GAWD no. I want you to be across from me so you can kick me under the table to fix my face, or know when to bail me out of a question that’s too personal.”

As the Brunch Babes posted up, a couple of them remembered to bring and use their microphones that Jen purchased. They introduced themselves after I selected them from raising their hands … just like a press conference room in any episode of my-then-favorite TV show, Ted Lasso.

The food and drinks were ordered shortly after the questions flew in rapid fire style which I am accustomed to. The brithday gifts were opened and enjoyed. We talked more casually as I answered the hard-hitting questions they had for me.

I must’ve defeated the Final Boss, because I’m still here, still dating Jen, we’re engaged to be married in July 2027.

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Perfect Moment

Lastly, the moment that really stands out to me are continuous. I thought that “sparkling eyes” or “diamonds in their eyes” was a poetic, sappy love sick young adult with no life experience. Well … anytime Jen looks at me with those deep blue eyes, they literally twinkle, and sparkle. The first time, I didn’t believe it. Then? Time and time again, anytime her eyes fall on me, or a photo of me, or me and her, she smiles with her mouth and eyes. IF that doesn’t tell you have found your person at long last, then you’ll never figure it out.

Maybe the plaque was right all along: there’s no perfect life. But with Jen, I’ve found someone worth filling this one with perfect moments.