Thank you Urban Dictionary for providing the perfect word for me to use. Frenemy is an enemy disguised as a friend. We all have one, if not more, and I’m no exception. The frenemy of mine is Icy Hot Cream.
That’s right, you read that right.
On my 29th birthday, I chucked a spaz because once I compared myself to others in the same and even older age group, I realized I wasn’t psychically fit at all. As I was barreling into my 30’s, I was overweigh, and not active.
So I found a personal trainer (PT), and decided to do the necessary work. Unfortunately, the transition was brutal. My PT, Big Kenny, recommended Icy Hot for my achy muscles. They were so sore I could barely move without grunting but I wasn’t complaining. I applied so much on a daily basis the office co-workers joked it was my new cologne. They knew when I worked out with my PT because the smell was so pungent that as I passed even the plastic office plants would wilt.
One of the days of this routine was “leg day”, a day most people dread. This day’s regime was particularly rough. After my shower, and musking up for the day, I applied Icy Hot all over my legs as usual. Then I donned my Costco Travel uniform: khaki pants, brown shoes, matching belt, and light blue shirt.
I felt the Icy Hot warming up my muscles to my relief. Then?
Suddenly, a thousand razor sharp kitten claws were stabbing my genitals! Sweet Jeezus, there’s molten lava on my boys!! Thankfully I was still in the locker room, so I immediately strip down and raced back into the shower.
Rinse, rinse, repeat. Rinse, rinse, repeat.
SIGH. Crisis contained. I redressed.
What the fuck happened, I thought? I looked at the warning label as most men do after a disaster and unfavorable results (read that as the instructions too)
I reviewed what I did only to realize when it went all wrong. I applied Icy Hot on the inside of my thighs first then slipped on my clothing which meant a grip of the applied Icy Hot got on my boxer briefs therefore were in contact with my family jewels.
It was the scene out of Revenge of the Nerds all over again. Medicine FAIL! UGH, thanks frenemy of mine: Icy Hot Cream. Use with caution!
This has been my C Note.