The recent rise in the COVID-19 Delta variant reminded me of the time I developed a case of the YIPS. What is that, you ask? We need to go no further than a How I Met Your Mom episode.
How I Met Your Mother
Season 3, Episode 10 – The Yips. Barney has trouble hitting on women at the Victoria’s Secret after party and so has to return to the woman who took his virginity.
I followed that TV show from minute one to minute done. This particular episode resonated with me one evening.
You see, I have a gregarious persona, and charming personality. Much like, the character Barney with his wit and charisma. I’m generally not at a loss for words, and very nimble in social situations.
So when my friends and family learn or witness these rare moments of being flustered, or squirming or drowning – they relish it. And of course, later chide me about it. Without further delay, let’s recount the experience.
The Case of the Yips
February 21, 2019 – Woodinville, Washington, Costco Returns Counter.
I got the case of the #yips today in Refunds today… Bernie and I are posted up at Registers 83 and 82 respectively, which are the front line tills. A gorgeous married brunette walks through the door pushing a cart full of items with her son in it as well.
Me: Hello there, c’mon up, don’t be bashful. *I pause for her to approach* I don’t bite, I charge extra for that.
Her: (after looking me up and down like a piece of man-meat) I’d pay extra for that.
I instantly blush. I feel the case of yips coming on quickly. I struggle with my next words. I stammer: May I, um. Er, can I, say can I have your Membership Card?
Bernie is cracking up laughing in my peripheral which is killing what little concentration that I had left. She readily hands over her card. I struggle mightily with a single item, in-store purchased pair of socks with a receipt! The easy task to do.
The only sound you could hear is the beeping-complaining of the computer for not hitting the sequence of keys in the proper order. My face is hot because it’s MORE red than the Refunds Desk. At last, I finish the refund, return her card, money and receipt.
Her: *she smiles, places her card, money and receipt into her purse then pushes her cart away with some swagger in her walk*
She pauses, looks over her shoulder. Oh, and Carlos? Good luck with your next return, Carlos. Hope the cat doesn’t get your tongue. Then she delivers the coup de grâce by WINKING at me!
I crossed my arms as pillow, lean on the desk, and bury my head. Just effing kill me now, I mentally scream!
As she walks off, Bernie quips to me only, Do you wanna put your own jaw back in your skull, or do you want my help?
Needless to say, I overanalyzed the situation and arrived to a conclusion. If you’re gonna battle head-to-head with a witty opponent, be damn sure you have several practiced answers.
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