America and I: Too Broken To Fix?

I will start with I am a proud patriot. Despite all of our issues, and how the rest of the planet views us, I’m still proud to be an American! However, in light of recent events I can’t help but wonder … is America and myself too broken to fix?

America First

For a country that prides itself on being the United States of America, we are certainly divided on several issues that threatens to create a permanent rift in our society. The global pandemic of #COVID19 still continues to impact us all.

7 months into this crisis has resorted to mask wearing by multiple state governors including Washington State, as the experts have advised them about transmission of COVID-19.

While we were coping and processing from this invisible enemy, on Memorial Day, May 25, 2020, a black man named George Floyd was brutalized during an arrest by Minnesota Police Officer, Derek Chauvin. Officer Chauvin in the process of arresting George Floyd, he kneeled on Floyd’s neck for nearly 9 minutes thus killing Floyd.

It was captured on video, and posted on several social media platforms which enraged the country and world at large to the point of violence, and riots. #Icantbreathe – was (is) the hashtag that accompany the political and social movement: Black Lives Matter.

That tragic event overshadowed the casual murder of Ahmaud Arbery in February, who was jogging, then summarily confronted only to be killed by Greg McMichael and his son for simply being black – many people posted their 2.23 mile runs with the #IrunwithMaud !

Is America too broken to fix?

As I said, I’m a true patriot, but I’m also not blind. I don’t know if we can make it through the year of 2020. Maybe I should focus on myself …

Me Second

America and I: Too Broken To Fix?

When I ended a relationship in 2017, I held on to the fleeting dream of selling off my house, and it’s belongings, move to another city and start a new life – perhaps to meet a woman that wasn’t in the Pacific Northwest. I had given up the hope I could find someone new.

I’ve had wasted opportunities, I had loved the wrong women, and there was no fix. I am damaged goods.

By looking back at my past choices that brought me to this point in March 2020, I concluded that this is my Fate: to finish out my life alone. I’m not lonely, per se. At least not yet, because I am surrounded by friends and family.

If that’s the case, I might as well fix my prison to my liking. I assigned a motto to the Bastion of Bayne – “Functional Now / Pretty Later”. Well, it’s functional now after 4 years, so now it’s time to make it pretty. That meant money that I didn’t have currently but could borrow it or finance the projects.

As my feet touched my carpeted bedroom floor, I sighed. It was defeat, my heart cried a grip, and my mind deflated. In this game of life, I’m losing. I must say it’s tough to be motivated without hope.

Like I mused, maybe I am too broken to fix like America?

I gnashed my teeth together, as I hate losing. I hate quitting more than losing. And most of all, I hate admitting that I’ve been defeated more than anything. It’s contrary to my mantra: Keep Digging. I have a tattoo of it for Christ’s sake.

What’s Next, Rice Chex?

If America’s broken, and I’m broken, what’s next, Rice Chex? Will Americans regroup, return to the table, and talk intelligently about the social, political, economic, and other big-picture issues that should be fixed? Or will we rip ourselves apart? Time will tell.

For me, my fix is what I stated before: follow my motto by updating, remodeling, changing my home to something I can be proud of since I’ll be living here for the rest of my days. Perhaps in that process, it’ll change my narrative about life, love, and the human condition.

Again, time will tell.

Do you think America and I are too broken to fix? I would love to read your opinion on the matter.

More from me later,


Published by losisthemost

"You only live once, but ... if you do it right, once is all you need" ~ I'm an active American-Filipino that has many skills I use to their best advantage.

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