So my estranged buddy, Jimbo Calrissian, and I posted up at Who’s On First in Snohomish, Washington a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully our 2-hour conversation organically transitioned from one topic to another.
We’re both in committed relationships (he’s married, I have a girlfriend) but we did have to date in order to find these women. One of my questions was: What was a petty reason not to ask for the second date that happened on the first date?
I quipped: Since it’s my game, I’ll go first.
Kathy, The Teacher
In the summer of 2013, I summoned the courage to ask a girl, that I had been exchanging messages with on a dating app, on a date. We met up at a street side bistro for starters, then migrated to the nearby Starbucks.
We asked those house keeping, first date questions such as where you work / what do you with your time, do you have kids, what pets you have, etc.
Kathy had shared she was a teacher. My thoughts were that’s admirable work to do. Perhaps she’s well read, and educated. In my heart, I’m a writer, a poet, yet my mouth dominates most conversations that I’m excited about. I make every attempt to dial that back, so I can actively listen, look at the person and key in on your word choice.
Unfortunately, Kathy’s “mental pause word” was like.
I assumed this was a product of the environment that she teaches in. She hears it constantly therefore repeats it herself.
UGH, I mentally sighed. After 20-minutes or so, I started counting how many times she used ‘like’ instead of hearing what she had to say. This would be my petty reason for no second date.
The more we converse, the more we realized that our interaction wouldn’t go any further than this experience. I asked my standard questions after the initial back-and-forth.
“If time and budget were no obstacles, what are the top 5 international places you would visit and more importantly, why?”
“If time and budget were no obstacles, what are the top 5 domestic places you would visit and more importantly, why?”
Then the following questions I gauge how the conversation is progressing before asking one, some, most or all of these questions.
- What was your relationship with your father, and if you didn’t have one, what was it like with the males that stepped into that role?
- What were you like in high school?
- What’s one thing about men that you’ve learned that’s been valuable to you?
- What’s your favorite quality about yourself?
Kathy answered the first two but they were not strong answers. Then we just didn’t find a spark, or a connection between us. We hugged, and left it at that.
My relationship DNA doesn’t have frivolous dating or casual sex in it. If I’m being honest with myself, it never has. Based on my interactions with divorcees, widows and those dating in their 30’s and 40’s post-relationships … I’m the type of guy that you eventually end up with.
I’m not your starter-marriage partner.
I’ve been told I’m thoughtful, loving, energetic, and handsomely aged. *sigh* I digress.
WHEN I was actively dating, I would call or contact ladies for second dates for petty reasons, LIKE the one I recounted before. (see what I did there?)