I know you hummed a few bars of Enimem’s song, Without Me. If not, I’ll help you:
Two bikini baristas go ’round the outside / ’round the outside / ’round the outside /
Two bikini baristas go ’round the outside / ’round the outside / ’round the outside /
The following is how I inadvertently visited and patronized not one, but TWO bikini / lingerie espresso stands in the area in the same week in 2016 …
Feels Like The First Time
BEFORE you chide me, and judge me for the experience, please know I didn’t know anything about drive-up espresso stands like this. I heard about them, but never sought them out intentionally.
If memory serves me well, it was dark out, and definitely outside the scope of normal, operating business hours for Starbucks. Especially the Clearview, WA location, whether it was late at night or early in the morning, the only coffee stand I spied while traveling southbound Highway 9 was XO Espresso …
My lizard brain guided my hands to turn in so we can have some fuel-injected caffeine.
I was not mentally prepared for the following. I stop the Sapphire Sled at the service window. My eyes land on the slender redhead standing on high heels, in thigh stockings, garter belt, thong underwear and a pink bra.
AH, CRAP, I mentally lamented. It’s one of THOSE stands, and that’s why it’s the only one open at this hour.
Barista: Well, hey there, handsome, what can I whip up for ya?
Me: I would love a 16 ounce, 3-shot Americano, please.
Barista: Sure thing, sugar. She turns around to prep the shots, and while she wait she managed to flap and/or claps her butt cheeks for me.
She, of course, bends at his hips towards me to present the coffee and collect payment for services rendered. I gave her more than the usual tip amount, er gratuity. And I drove away.
OOPS, I Did It Again …
Later that week I had an appointment with my realtor, Julie. We teamed up together to find me a house to buy, there were some houses she wanted me to see in the Bothell area. BY THE WAY, hit up 5 Star Home Group for all your real estate needs!
I was driving along eastbound Highway 522 scanning for espresso stands. I spotted one that I’ve passed by for years but never stopped: Beehive Espresso.
It’s brightly colored yellow stand, and it was a sunny day with my Sapphire Sled’s sunroof open, windows down, music up.
I thought, Why not, it’s inviting, and I like new experiences.
An El Camino was in front of me with a single, male driver with a beard that was being quite chatty with the unseen barista. I mentally grumbled, C’mon, man. Let’s move along while we’re young.
Eventually it was my turn, so I slowly rolled up to the service … DOOR? Yeah, it was a sliding glass door with the curtains drawn. The blonde barista in high heels again, a yellow string bikini moves back the curtain to greet me.
Barista: Hi honey, what can I do you for?
Me: AGAIN? Really, Los, I mentally lamented. She was a very pretty woman with a svelte body, and blonde – I feel a case of the yips welling up in me. I blurt out, a 16 ounce Americano, please.
OOPS, I did it again!
I’ve learned to scrutinize my coffee stand selections from then on.
‘los; out
los, Fil-Am Renaissance Man 