Despite my successes over the summer over 2020 at work and at home, my depression looms over it all like a dark cloud. My inner demons are working overtime, and just as hard as I am trying to stay ahead of it.
Slipping into that abyss again would only have one outcome.
Suicide is a weekly thought that I mull over starting at the end of August, quickly becomes a daily thought.
The wildfires of the summer continue to burn Washington, Oregon, and California. Unlike other years, 2020 fires are record breaking in every way in terms of damage done, life loss, acreage burned, etc.
I am not surprised by anything this year produces. I usually unflappable, but this dumpster fire of a year continues to burn bright with added jet fuel to the flames.
Part 3 of 3 (September to December)
Washington schools are still closed by the start of the usual school year in September. Virtual learning is the term thrown around casually. Desktop computers, laptop, tablets, monitors etc are purchased at an alarming rate.
Zoom meetings gone awry are the cannon fodder of every social media platform.
The United States Presidential Election coverage and focus intensifies for the 2020 vote. My friends, and family have literally quit their relationships over their opinions of the candidates.
The #BlackLivesMatter protests escalate as Americans are keyed up by the election. Racism is in the forefront of a majority conversations.
COVID-19 continues to ravage the populace. In Washington State alone, 248K cases and 3,400 deaths have been reported. In the United States, 19.9M cases of COVID-19. The death toll is 206K. It’s unfathomable, as it’s only getting worse before it gets better.
By the end of December 2020, 344K total deaths have been reported as COVID-19. I can’t wrap my head around it. When will it stop?
Mid-September, Ruth Bader Ginsburg succumbed to cancer. She was an incredible woman. Most of us survivors cry to the sky, can this year get any worse. Our peeps chastise us for tempting Fate like that.
Do You Remember … The 21st night of September?
All sporting events have been canceled for the remainder of the year. My sister and I watch our Sounders, and Seahawks from our TV at home.
I started private dance lessons in the summer with my ex-girlfriend, and current dance team member, Deana. We’re both old enough, and mature enough to make this work beautifully. No, it’s not awkward. Truth be told, Deana’s intention from the beginning was finding a dance partner; not life partner.
I just had to be “extra”.
Speaking of being extra, my rehabilitation loan process is a venerable shitshow of never-ending paperwork. Every time I receive an email, I’m triggered. Anxiety, ANGER, and frustration are the trifecta of emotions that coarse through my veins after reading.
Finally finished all the fence repair, as another 16 feet section fell down after a windstorm in Lake Stevens. By the end of December, a new roof, exterior paint job, hardwood flooring (LVP) and carpet have been installed.
All contractors have been paid as of this writing on New Year’s Eve (31st)
My busiest 2 months at my workplace are November, and December. This year was no exception! As the recognized leader of the small team of four, the 60-day span I didn’t sleep, or if I did it wasn’t for long (no more than 5-hours per night) as it was anxiety-ridden over equipment breakage, fears that one of my employees gets COVID-19 which shutting it down, and so much more.
It was HELL.
My body has began the recovery process which started on Christmas Day, because the warehouse was closed. And the greeting card deadline had passed. If you didn’t get your Christmas card printed, and mailed … it’s now a New Year’s card instead.
As I write this post, I actively have to force myself to relax because I had been runnin’ and gunnin’ at top speed for 3/4 of the year, my mind has been conditioned to be this way.
It’s difficult to describe.
I’ll be focused on my Geocaching game in the upcoming year, improving my dance skills, and lastly, improving my house aptly named: Bastion of Bayne.
An institution, place, or person strongly defending or upholding particular principles, attitudes, or activities.
… and I strongly believe in keep digging, y’all!