PROST! I heard a dozen or so Germans shout, as they brought together their pint mugs filled with beer. I didn’t hear it correctly, so I shouted, “POST!”

In the Hofbraühaus Müchen pavilion, during the 2012 Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany, several party goers exchanged odd looks, and shrugged, “Americans.”

I was mad. That’s what they said, right?

WRONG.

They shouted, “PRÓST.” [loosely translated, Bottom’s Up] I thought, how embarrassing is that?

---

Toastmasters International

I dove a grip deeper into being a ‘toastmaster’, [and no, like the burnt bread you consume]

Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills through a worldwide network of clubs that meet online and in person. In a supportive community or corporate environment, members prepare and deliver speeches, respond to impromptu questions, and give and receive constructive feedback. It is through this regular practice that members are empowered to meet personal and professional communication goals. Founded in 1924, the organization is headquartered in Englewood, Colorado with approximately 270,000 members in more than 14,200 clubs in 148 countries.

I foolishly thought it was a program / school / course / educational module that taught you all manner of toasts – a call to a gathering of people to raise their glasses and drink together in honor of a person or thing, or an instance of drinking in this way.

Again, I was WRONG.

I shrugged my shoulders. It wasn’t the first, last or only time I would be wrong. So I was determined to scour the interwebs to find, and memorize funny, raunchy, or inspiring toasts to perform other than, “Cheers!”, “Salute!” and “Prost”.

Here’s what I found …

I’ve now renewed my want to memorize a few toasts.

The following a few of my favorites.

Here’s to fighting, cheating, stealing…
If you Fight, may you fight for a friend.
If you Cheat, may you cheat death
If you Steal, may you steal a lovers heart.
And
If you Drink, may you drink with me.

Wooden ships
Some ships are wooden ships. But those ships may sink. The best ships are friendships and to those, we drink.

Here’s to staying positive
Here is to staying positive and testing negative!

Another before you drink
If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I’d swim to the bottom and drink myself up. But the oceans not beer and I’m not a duck so let’s drink these drinks and get fucked up.

A wedding toast.
Here is to you two from we two, and if you two love we two as we two love you two here is to us four, but if you two don’t love we two as we two love you two than here is to us two and no more.

You and yours
Here’s to you and yours and mine and ours. If mine and ours should ever again cross paths with you and yours, I hope mine and ours will be as good to you and yours as you and yours was to mine and ours.

Our Children
May our children reach higher heights than we have and never approach our lows

Wish us well
Here’s to those who wish us well. All the rest can go to Hell.

Here’s to…
Married men, and to single men, and to women who don’t care about such things.

Here’s to bad men…
For giving men like us, a good name.

Here’s to dogs…
For teaching men how much fun it is to chase tail.

A toast to your coffin…
May it be made of 100 year old oak, and may we plant the tree together, tomorrow.

Those Who Love You…
May those who love you love you; and those who don’t love you, may God turn their hearts. And if He doesn’t turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so you’ll know them by their limping.

Pockets…
May your pockets be heavy and your heart be light, may good luck pursue you each morning and night.

---

Raunchy ones:

Before you drink
Here’s to courage, here’s to honor. If you can’t come in her, come on her! Cheers.

A soldiers home is the land
A soldiers home is the land, a sailors home is the sea, but a whiskey glass and a hookers ass is home sweet home to me

To rattlesnakes and condoms
Two things we don’t fuck with!

Birthday Year
Birthday’s come but once a year…
Aren’t you glad you’re not a birthday?

A fighting man’s toast
To pussy and gunpowder … One brought me into this world, the other will likely take me out, and I love the smell of both.

A Toast to our Women
Here’s to women, the fruit of the vine. In bloom once a month, bearing fruit every nine. No other creature, this side of hell, can get the juice from a nut without breaking the shell.

Best Friends
Here’s to you, here’s to me. Best friends we’ll ever be, if we ever disagree, fuck you here’s to me.

She offered her honor…
I honored her offer And then all night I was off her and on her

To Sobriety
Here’s to uppers, and here’s to downers, and sobriety somewhere in between. May we drink enough, to get fucked up, so sobriety never catches me.

Word Wizard

So Principal Jen had observed that I am quite a word wizard! My command of the English language is detectable. That’s why I want to be known for the guy with toasts.

The right words for every type of toast

Raising your glass for a toast is a sweet and simple way to bring together a group, offering a little bit of congratulations or a funny quip—that is, as long as you know what to say once your glass is in the air! If you’ve ever blanked when speaking in front of a group of people, you know that giving toasts can be easier said than done.

“Most people default to ‘cheers,’ but that’s a missed opportunity,” says etiquette expert Julian Leaver, founder of The Dapper Diplomat. “There’s so much more you can say when giving toasts, and taking the time to find just the right words can make the toast feel even more special and meaningful.”

From giving a wedding toast to the happy couple on their big day to offering a happy birthday message to a friend in a bar, there are a wide variety of situations where you might need to give a toast. In addition to celebrating an event, toasts can be used to show respect, express gratitude, offer encouragement, promote bonding or acknowledge a big life change. And as you might have guessed, there are some etiquette rules that you should follow.

A good toast can be funny, sentimental, heartfelt or inspiring, but ultimately the purpose is to promote a feeling of community and camaraderie, says Leaver. Here are some things he recommends when giving a toast:

• Raise your glass to indicate a toast is being given
• Mention the occasion
• Congratulate or thank the person or group
• Add a personal thought
• Keep it short and sweet

Aiight, Spaceship Earth, what are some of your favorite toast(s)? Be good like you should, and if you can’t be good, be good at something.