Happy Father’s Day 2024

It’s the time of year when we recognize the other 50% of why we’re all here on Spaceship Earth: Fathers. According to Statista, published in September 2023, of the surveyed Americans, Father’s Day was the 6th most popular day to celebrate behind all the favorites: Thanksgiving, Memorial, Christmas, Veterans, and Mother’s Day.

While I’m not a father, I’d like to think I would be one of “the best ones”. Furthermore, I’d like to think that a majority of people out there could or would want to say their dad was the best. My Dad? Well, he was the best for our little family. Frankly, STILL is even though my sister and I are adults well into our 40’s.

Each day I approach my 50th birthday, the more I sound like my Dad. That, in and of itself, fills my heart with pride and love. I love that man so much. He maybe half-a-world today but he’s every part of me that’s good.

Father Knows Best

I researched the interwebs for definitions of great fathers. My Dad once barked, “Listen you, two monkeys [my sister and I] Your mother and I have 18 very short years to train, guide, and mold you into law-abiding, tax paying, productive members of society! In fact, we’re about halfway through your training. If you think at any point, that we’re friends, or that we’re being mean, or guess what sugar t!ts, it’s way worse for you outside the hallowed halls of our humble home. The world is unforgiving, nasty place that if you let it, will bring you to your knees.” He paused, “But if you’re prepared, it could be the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.”

“When we have something to demonstrate or teach you, you better listen! Am I clear?” he pressured us.

Charrina and I retorted, “CRYSTAL, sir.”

With an air of authority, he said the words, “Very well. Carry on as kids would carry on.”

Before I launch into a litany of reasons that separate great and not-so-great fathers, I have a story for y’all. [don’t I always?]

I think I was 10, or 11 years old at the time of this story. It was a celebratory day, such as Christmas or a birthday. I honestly don’t remember, and it’s not important. My gift request agenda remained the same: G.I. Joe, LEGO, or Transformers.

The gift wrapped rectangle in front of me was begging to be ripped apart in jubilation. My thoughts swirled as it was gonna be one of those three.

IT. WAS. NOT.

***Science Fair: 150 in One Electronic Project Kit***

I think I might’ve grumbled under my breath, “What the hell is this shit?”, to which my mother swatted me in the back of the head with the words, “be grateful you received anything”.

My Dad proudly answered, “This is better than any of those plastic toys. Son, this is real life. There are 150 projects that you, yourself can complete. Thumb through the instruction booklet, and start with the one that seems most interesting to you.”

I sighed, “Ok, Dad.” I retreated to my bedroom. After quickly thumbing through the booklet, I selected a project. I raced through it, and it didn’t work, per se. Another couple attempts to make it work, I brought it in to my Dad.

“Dad, I can’t make it work,” I cried. “Make this work.”

He folded a corner of the Seattle Times he was reading. He looked me up and down, pursed his lips, to answer, “No.”

“NO?!” I erupted. “What do you mean you won’t help?”

He corrected me, “I didn’t say that. I said I wouldn’t make it work for you. Electricity and math have a common dominator, it either works or it doesn’t. There is ‘no works a little bit’.” He folds up the newspaper in fourths in such a way that he learned from Father Academy.

“Son, you’ll find that the best help you have is at the end of your arms,” he smiled.

I was frustrated beyond reason. I sat down, re-read the instructions out loud to him. I can imagine it was all that he could do to NOT help. At one point, I was so frustrated, I started crying.

His harden facial expression was, “Listen, Sonny Boy. I’ve done this a thousand of times. But it does you no good if I do it for you. Try again.”

After for what seemed like a year in kid’s timekeeping, that was probably only 10-minutes, I was able to make the project work! “See?” he smiled again. “Self reliance will be skill you’ll need more than anything in this life. Why don’t you celebrate your success?”

“Really?” I asked.

He replied, “You should celebrate even the smallest of victories. You can’t win them all, in fact, more often than not, you’ll lose. That’s what makes those wins so special. There’s ice cream in the freezer. Since you’re dishing up some for yourself, please make a bowl for me, too. I’ll be in the kitchen after you.”

That experience is why my Dad is the best for our family.

Here are 10 qualities of a good / great father.

1. He shows up

A good father is there for the big things like birthdays and graduations, but he also shows up for the science fair and spelling bees. It seems like a low bar to set, but being present is highly underrated. Be fully present without looking at your phone or other devices. Show up and focus on your kids.

2. He sets a good example

Children are always watching and learning. A good father will be honest and have a good character. Several people in my informal survey mentioned the importance of integrity. A good dad should strive to have admirable characteristics that their children will want to emulate.

The Baby Boomers I talked to felt like modeling a strong work ethic was essential. People in my generation mostly had dads who grew up during the Depression, so they believed in working hard.

My younger friends are more impressed with a man who can find a good work-family life balance and be a parenting partner to their significant other.

3. He treats the mother of his children with respect

Even if there has been a difficult divorce, a good father will treat the mother of his children with respect. A good father sets the tone for how the children view and treat their mother. Through words and behavior, a good father will always show respect and kindness towards the mother of his children.

Friends of my generation were more likely to think the partner should be treated “like a queen,” whereas my younger friends favored an egalitarian relationship.

4. He takes joy in his kids

The sound of laughter and play is one of the happiest sounds in a home. A good father will take joy in being with his kids, whether talking, playing, or just hanging out together.

5. He disciplines fairly

The word “discipline” actually means “instruction and training” and is derived from the Latin root word discere – “to learn.” In speaking with one of my friends, he mentioned respect as an essential part of discipline. Because he respected his parents, he chose good behavior. Forming a close relationship that involves two-way trust and respect is the foundation for effective discipline.

My Dad treated my sister and I fairly to his credit. He may not have trained us the same, per se, he did ensure we were prepared for the nasty world outside of our home in Mountlake Terrace.

6. He listens

Fathers love to share stories of their glory days and give advice. That’s OK sometimes, but a good dad also needs to listen. Children should feel they can talk to their dad about any problem, and it will be met with understanding.

Achieving that level of trust begins early with good communication. Ask your child questions to know them on a deeper level. Here are some suggestions for questions to get started.

7. He verbally expresses love and pride

Tell your kids you love them. Tell your kids you’re proud of them. They need to hear those words! My dad was generous with his words, never missing a chance to tell me he loved me, and I cherish those memories.

If saying it is too difficult, write notes for their lunchbox or write words of love, praise, and encouragement in a letter. Just don’t leave any words of love go unsaid. Hearing expressions of love has a significant impact on a child’s development!

8. He spends the most precious asset: time

Where a person invests their time shows their priorities in life. Unfortunately, the intense period of a person’s career is often at the same time as the intense period of parenting. It’s essential to provide a good living to provide the basic needs for your children, but it’s also important to invest your time in their life. This is correlated with #1, showing up for the important things, and yes, nightly family dinners and tuck-in times are amongst the critical events in a child’s life.

I think of time like grains of sand on the beach. Each grain might be small, but together, they form a beach. Each minute you spend with your kids is like adding a grain of sand to the beach that is their life. Build a solid beach that won’t be washed away easily.

9. He is protective

Good parents want the best for their kids. It’s sometimes walking a narrow line to find the balance between allowing a child to be as independent as possible while also protecting them if necessary. As one of my friends said, he would gladly fight a bear to protect his daughters. Yet, he’s raised such strong, smart kids that he rarely has needed to intervene on their behalf. However, I bet his kids know that he would make any sacrifice for them, and that knowledge gives a person an inner armor of security.

10. He is supportive

A good father supports and encourages his children. This is easy if your kids follow the path you hope they choose. The real test is if they choose a lifestyle or career you don’t like or don’t understand.

Children should not be seen as a chance to live out our unfulfilled dreams vicariously. They are individuals with their own goals and plans. If you dreamed of your child being a quarterback in the NFL, but they prefer painting, it’s your job to go to their art shows with a smile on your face.

As the saying goes, there is no way to be a perfect parent, but there are hundreds of ways to be a good one. With the input of Facebook friends (a big thanks to them), I came up with these ten qualities, which I think are fairly universal. If you’ve noticed, none of these cost a penny. I also never mentioned genetics because sometimes the best fathers have no genetic connection to their children.

Being a good father costs time, energy, and investment of your heart and mind, but I promise the return on your investment will be abundant. Wishing you a Father’s Day filled with love!