For a majority of my life, I’ve been told that I’m a natural born leader. To this day I don’t see that, but agree that my vibe attracts my tribe.
Born leaders are people with an innate capacity to effectively manage and lead groups of people to achieve collective goals. Instead of learning to become an effective leader, they have the instinctive ability to inspire others and encourage them to follow their vision.
~ Indeed
I have my mother to thank for changing my trajectory of leadership. One innocuous day at Evergreen Playfield in Mountlake Terrace, Washington, USA, my mother, my sister, and I walked there to enjoy some fresh air, and weather.
My mother watched us play with other children. I don’t quite remember what task we were trying to accomplish, but I do know that I was the only one to be successful. I went so far as to tower over a fallen child, pointed, and mocked them with, “HA, HA! You’re so stupid, you couldn’t figure it out. But I did.”
… and walked off like a mic drop.
My mother sighed, slowly stood to her feet, and beckoned me over.
“WHAT, ” I cried. “I didn’t do anything wrong, in fact, I was the only one right.”
She pursed her lips together, “Boasting like that is the very reason you’re not right. Son, come over and sit down.” She coaxed, “You’re not in trouble, I want to talk.”
“Ok, ” I reluctantly agreed, and sat down.
“Son, you are an intelligent young man, with some natural born gifts. I don’t know where you got it from, either myself or Dad. But what I do know that is not how you play with others,” she sighed.
“Instead of belittling them, being condescending towards others, you should use your skills to teach. If you’re so good at it, then teach others to be the same. Coach, guide, and love them. Because sooner or later, you’ll need help for yourself. No one gets through life by themselves. You’ll need friends and family in this life.
Your first reaction should be to help. Understand, Caloy?” Mom asked for comprehension.
“Yes, mama, ” I agreed.
Mom continued, “You’re a natural born leader that will eventually surround yourself with great people. You will speak, and people will listen. Use your powers for good instead of bad. Can you do that for me, Son?”
I nodded my head in agreement.
“Ok, now go back to being a kid, ” she winked.
Enterprise Paper Route vs. Boy Scouts of America
My sister and I were not “paid an allowance” for doing our assigned chores. Our compensation was living there, with food in our bellies, clothes to wear, and a roof over our heads. The only way to generate money was to work.
For me mowing lawns in MLT was not enough income for a lifestyle I wanted with candy, comic books and plastic action figures. News paper routes were the path to income for teenage boys in the 1980’s. However, if you were under the age of 18, your parent and/or guardian was required to sign the paperwork on your behalf.
I attempted to cajole my Mother into signing but deferred to Dad for these types of subjects.
You would think I would want to simply forge Dad’s signature. You’d be dead wrong.
I thought plans through like a great strategist. Not just a couple of moves ahead; many steps. How would I explain a weekly delivery of 20 some odd newspapers? Or why I was waking up early before I needed to for school and ride my bike?
No. My moral compass pointed to negotiating with Dad.
The Enterprise Newspaper was a strictly donation based system. I delivered once a week (Wednesday) to 20 or so houses in a 5 by 5 block area nearby. The Everett Herald, and Seattle Times required payment for their papers; the Enterprise did not.
So I approached Dad with my plan. I would do all the work, all I needed was his signature therefore his blessing.
He said, “No.”
I exploded with frustration, “WHY? I’m doing all the work, I’m asking nothing from you aside from the signature.”
He cleared his throat, “I’ll tell you what. You and Mom make deals all the time.” I grumbled under my breath, “Because your way – no highway sucks.”
He didn’t appreciate my mocking of him. I didn’t care. “When I was your age, I joined the Boy Scouts of America. I learned a lot about life, how to be a man, and a leader. I only made it to Life Scout. The highest rank is Eagle Scout. My only regret was that I didn’t finish.”
“Good for you, Dad,” I mocked. “What the hell does that have anything to do with me?”
“Here’s the deal. You join the Boy Scouts of America for a minimum of a year. You must give it an honest effort. If at the end of the year, and if you’re not having fun, then you can quit and still have your paper route.
However, if you are having fun, then you promise to excel to Eagle Scout, ” my Dad finished.
“If I accept that deal, then you sign the waiver for the Enterprise?” I clarified.
My Dad nodded the universal, “Yes”.
I frowned, but stretched out my hand to Dad. “I accept the terms of our agreement.” We shook hands to make it official. Dad scribbled his signature on the piece of paper. Over the next year, I learned exactly what my Dad had: life, how to be a leader, how to survive, how to be a man in this world.
I would eventually earn that coveted Eagle Scout rank. In the 1990’s only 1 in 100 eligible boys would sign up to be a Boy Scout. Then of those Boys Scouts ONLY 1 in a 100 would earn the Eagle Scout rank! During my path to Eagle I would have roles of Quarter Master, Scribe, Assistant Senior Patrol Leader, and Senior Patrol Leader.
By the time I graduated high school, my natural leadership abilities were complimented and galvanized with leadership roles, and formal training. My confidence was bolstered by success in Drama class, and Debate class.
However, at the age of 21 my world got darker with the loss of my Mom due to gastric cancer.
I realized I would need to step up because my Dad was an absolute wreck, and my sister didn’t have the fortitude to lead us through these uncharted waters. As an unlicensed life coach, I lead the way for years to come. I would later be victimized with gaslighting from my wife. But even that experience taught me lessons I pass on to others.
When my friend, Eva, sweetly suggested I be a life coach, I smiled. “That’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Most likely, not the last.” I thought about it. As much as I would love it, and be paid handsomely for it, I don’t think I would do as well when it’s a way to earn a living.
Remember all of this ties back to the fact my Mom challenged me to be a better human with the gifts I’ve been given, and to do what’s right, even everyone else is doing wrong. Maybe I could do it once I “retire” from Costco.
I admit, Coach Carlos does have a nice ring to it.
los, Fil-Am Renaissance Man 