My favorite Christmas Tradition isn’t the tree selection, decorating it, or the music, the gift giving and/or receiving. My fav is to watch Die Hard and Die Hard 2: Die Harder, actually! 2023 will be the 31st anniversary of this tradition. That’s right! The 31st consecutive year of watching Die Hard and Die Hard 2: Die Harder at some point in month of December.

You’d think (if you knew me) it would be something lively activity neighborhood Christmas caroling with my friends. Nope!

My Favorite Christmas Tradition

It didn’t start out that way, though. My high school best friend, Chris, had bought me one of the greatest Christmas gifts ever! It was the two VHS cassette tape of each movie, and it was packaged like the Nakatomi Building, too. I loved it instantly as I am a ginormous fan of Bruce Willis, and those movies. 

Once I’ve completed my favorite Christmas tradition, I might move on to other Christmas movies. But I’m not referencing the classics like Miracle on 34th Street, It’s A Wonderful Life, etc – I mean all the other non-traditional movies. I’m a grip #salty with my mother’s passing days before Christmas some 20 years ago, so pardon my aloofiness to the holiday spirit.

Now that we’re quickly coming up on Christmas, here are the top 10 non-traditional Christmas I like to watch, and my review of each. In homage to David Letterman, I’ll start with number 10 …

#10 The Nightmare Before Christmas

Tim Burton’s stop-motion animation flick succeeds in systematically corrupting the very essence of Christmas, thanks to main character Jack Skellington’s grisly re-imagining of the holiday. More Day of the Dead than Christmas movie, the king of “Halloween Town” stumbles upon alternate universe “Christmas Town,” which inspires him to bring the holiday spirit back home and, oh yeah, kidnap Santa Claus (a name Jack interprets as “Sandy Claws”).

Unfortunately, Jack’s macabre imagination is an awkward fit for Santa’s cheerful occupation, and results in unsuspecting children receiving terrifying gifts like shrunken heads under the tree, and “Sandy Claws” being gunned down from the sky. Thankfully, Jack’s unsuccessful usurp of Santa’s hard-to-fill shoes is forgiven, and we get a delightfully creepy duet with Jack and his rag doll boo, Sally. Christmas love in Halloween town, be still our dark hearts!

#9 The Polar Express

This whimsical story is best served by the movie’s animation style, which brings the cold of the North Pole and the magic of a train headed to the North Pole to life. The Polar Express is based on Chris Van Allsburg’s picture book of the same name.

#8 Trading Places

Also in the category of fantastic 80s comedies comes this John Landis-directed gem. Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd have their life circumstances switched in this social satire that’s as relevant in today’s recession as it was during 1983’s yuppie boom.

It touches on race, class, wealth, and oh yeah – it’s hilarious. These are two SNL stars making the leap to the big screen perfectly, as the unraveling Aykroyd plays the perfect straight man to Murphy’s street hustler. Rated R. Christmas tie-in: The end of the film plays out at the company Christmas party.

#7 Office Christmas Party

Nuance isn’t a huge priority for this goofily ridiculous and disposable comedy directed by Will Speck and Josh Gordon whose 2007 comedy Blades of Glory is incidentally growing in prestige to the level of Zoolander and Anchorman. Office Christmas Party is based on the borderline meaningless premise – actually, wait, make that just meaningless premise – of saving the Chicago branch of a tech firm from being closed down by its Horrible Boss, played by Jennifer Aniston, by hosting a kickass office Christmas party with loads of inappropriate drinking and sexual behaviour, to which a potential big-spending client will be invited.

Jason Bateman plays the harassed but decent manager and SNL comedy genius Kate McKinnon is thrown away on the role of the uptight HR manager. It’s a film destined for iTunes rental status, but kept from flatlining with a pretty dependable string of stupid yet funny one-liners, and a nice turn from TJ Miller as Aniston’s slacker brother, who runs this office as his part of the family firm. He has an entertaining expression of shame while confessing that his degree subject was Canadian Television.

#6 Lethal Weapon

With all the different holidays, parties, vacations and whatnot, December can be a crazy month. That chaos can lead to forgotten or missed details. That’s essentially what happened when Shadow Company didn’t cover their tracks well enough leading renegade cop Martin Riggs and his soon-to-retire partner Roger Murtaugh to investigate. While the main action doesn’t take place on Christmas, we do see all kinds of Christmas decorations in the chase scenes and the flick ends with Riggs heading over to the Murtaugh household for Christmas day after beating the living shit out of Mr. Joshua in the film’s climax.

Thankfully, this movie gave rise to the term #Murtaugh Rule, in which the speaker is too old for this shyt.

Before we crack into the Top 5 Non-Traditional Christmas movies … let’s pause for the cause for these Honorable Mentions.

There are so many great films, but only 10 spots, someone or rather some films will feel slighted in 2023 – just like Florida State University Football Team.

Honorable Mention #1 – Scrooged

Scrooged is quite simply THE PERFECT FAMILY FEEL GOOD CHRISTMAS MOVIE. Bill Murray gives a performance close to his brilliant “Ghostbusters” best. Scrooged has a real anarchic feel about it. Its genuinely funny, has a great cast clearly enjoy themselves and that translates to the viewer. There are some clever special effects but they never detract from the human aspect of the film which is what Charles Dickens wrote “The Christmas Carol” to be about. It’s about a human being realising just how precious and special life can be. The movie is a cracking fun ride with just a wonderful uplifting conclusion. It’s a great early Christmas gift. Unwrap it and enjoy it.

Honorable Mention #2 – A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas

The entire plot of the original stoner classic Harold And Kumar Go To White Castle revolved around a fast-food quest, so, appropriately, Harold (John Cho) and Kumar’s (John Cho) Christmas extranvanganva centers on a search for a Christmas tree.

Fortunately, that’s where the appropriateness ends. Inappropriate holiday endeavors abound, including setting fire to said Christmas tree with a lit joint, purchasing illegal drugs from a Santa in a parking garage (which is totally legit), and even a Santa shooting (not the one selling marijuna, another one). If that doesn’t entice you, there are also babies cloaked in cocaine, which gives an entirely new meaning to the term “crack baby.” Are you happy now?

Tune in tomorrow for the Top 5 Non-Traditional Christmas Movies!

To be continued …