Welcome, reader! It is I, los with the most. I am the asphalt asskicker, purveyor of pavement, kaiser of concrete, the car czar, the Lyftkeeper, to relay Tales from the Lyft!

The following has been plucked from the backseat of the Millennium Subaru. The only detail(s) changed are the names of the people.

Sit back, chillax, and read with delight.

I’ve been driving for Lyft since May 2023. It’s the perfect side hustle for me! I love the driving experience, I listen to my tunes, learn the streets of the Phoenix metroplex, converse with riders, all while being paid to do it!

---

When we talk about life, timing is everything, isn’t it? The television show, How I Met Your Mother (2005 – 2014) was a classic example of life imitating art. Or rather art imitating life? In 2010, they aired the Doppelgänger episode, Season 5, Episode 24. Marshall and Lily reportedly found Barney’s doppelgänger. That inspired my crew and I to search for celebrity look alikes, doppelgängers. Not necessarily for ourselves, but anyone famous.

Thus far in Arizona, I have found Costco Coach Beard (Ted Lasso), Wicked Rain Sophie Turner (Game of Thrones), and Flower Girl Art3mis (Ready Player One) With that said, I found my 4th doppelgänger while driving for Lyft.

Ride #93 – Globo Gym Gary

The Lyft algorithm had sent me to the outskirts of the greater Phoenix area. I rolled up to a walled and gated home that was ginormous! Once I rolled up, the gate opened, and the rider strutted into view. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was White Goodman from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story! I’m gonna call this guy Globo Gym Gary.

Aside from nasty, crooked, diseased teeth, he was a complete match with the hairstyle, mustache, and oversized sunglasses. He hopped in.

I asked, “Hey there, friend. Want a water?”

“I get my water from Coors Light,” he fired back as he adjusts his sunglasses. He positioned himself in the middle of the backseat.

Without missing a beat, “Fair enough. Where we headed to?”

GGG barked, “Doesn’t it say?”

I mentally sighed. This FAWKING GUY. “The app displays an address only, no business name,” I replied through gritted teeth.

“Oh,” he said. “It’s my mechanic, he’s only 5-minutes away,” he paused. “I would’ve walked it but I just finished my workout, and it’s 115 F today.”

“So …,” I continued.

He cut me off. “My truck is bad ass. There’s a 2 foot lift kit, chrome all around. I may not look like much, but I’ve got money. You saw my house.” He sniffed and brushes his hair with his hand. “My mechanic is the best and cheapest in town. The job would’ve been 1,500 but I paid 400.”

My eyebrows arched. “For the cost savings, are you gonna tip him?”

“FAWK no. That’s his problem, he set his prices,” he scoffs.

Please, please, please be close, I mentally prayed.

Mercifully, I looked at the app navigation directions: 1-minute away. “Look at that, we’re here,” I muttered casually.

Globo Gym Gary grabs the door handle, “To be continued.”