Welcome, reader! It is I, los with the most. I am the asphalt asskicker, purveyor of pavement, kaiser of concrete, the car czar, the Lyftkeeper, to relay Tales from the Lyft!

The following has been plucked from the backseat of the Millennium Subaru. The only detail(s) changed are the names of the people.

Sit back, chillax, and read with delight.

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I’ve been driving for Lyft since May 2023. It’s the perfect side hustle for me! I love the driving experience, I listen to my tunes, learn the streets of the Phoenix metroplex, converse with riders, all while being paid to do it!

Ride #35 – Eyes Wide Shut.

FUN FACT: Eyes Wide Shut is Stanley Kubrick’s last film before he passed away in 1999. I have a small confession to make as well as the wide sweeping announced fun fact. I once had a membership to Seattle’s Center for Sex Positive Culture [CSPC] It was only for a year but every event was a scene outta the film.

I digress …

I’ve posted before that unless you’re Google or Apple Maps or Waze, you’ll never recognize the addresses as places with names. Oh, and much like my DoorDash, and Instacart days, the account name displayed within the app isn’t necessarily the user. At least half my riders that have crawled into the back seat responds to my greeting like this.

Me: Hey there, [name on account], where are we going today?

Them: Oh [name on account] is my sister / brother / mother / cousin-in-law / EFFING ex-roommate, my name is Y.

After 100 + drives, I naturally gave up on names. I rolled up to a residence on a nondescript Saturday afternoon. The couple that emerged quickly turn around into the house.

They exited the house, and strolled up to the Millennium Subaru. They were a good looking couple, as the man was dressed to the 9’s with a red bowtie. There’s only one person I’ve seen properly rock that: Bryan Yokohama. The woman was covered up with a peacock colorful shawl.

The man chivalrously opened the door for her. A mix of cologne, perfume, and aftershave wafted in. It was lovely. They apologized because the cover up for needed for the woman for public traveling.

I peered into the backseat. The woman had jewels adorning her make-up face, with a tiaraesque head dress. To a point, she was striking. After putting the vehicle in gear I asked what type of party were they attending. They exchanged worried looks. She smiled, “A costume party.”

Her pretty eyes, and I locked gazes for a beat. I knew she was lying but we are having polite conversation so I let it pass. About 10 minutes down the road, they requested if I could stop at a gas station on the way there. Normally, the rider(s) need to request this via the app, so they can be assessed properly. However, I needed to relief myself something fierce so I readily accepted the offer.

I stopped along the route. I escorted her to get a better view of her outfit, so I held the door open for her. I didn’t regret my decision. Once I return to the Millennium Subaru the Lyft app asked if the ride was ok based on the unauthorized stop. I poked buttons until it faded to the background.

Invariably, she asked, “Ok, Carlos. What’s the craziest experience you’ve had driving for Lyft?”

I chuckled a grip. “Actually I had an answer for you from my Hall of Shame but 3 rides before y’all I have a different one because that usurped it.” SPOILER ALERT! “I call it Knight and Day.”

While I did tell them the story, all y’all will haveta wait for my post. It’s too much of a tangent and to unpack right now.

As I finished my story, we rolled up to a business park of 1-story buildings. A gate for the driveway was opened but a lifted pickup truck with tinted windows seemed to be the sentry.

Plenty of parked car, but the corporate windows had a residential curtains up. Odd, I thought. I offered to stay until they gave me a thumbs up since they declared they haven’t been and only here because of invite. At the furtherest corner a scantily clad woman collected them outside a door, so the female gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

I dropped this couple off at either a rave or sex party, perhaps both? The answer only exists in my vivid imagination.

‘los; out